New House, New Updates

Ok, we are still in the process of moving but we're pretty much done. Enough to eat and sleep at this new house anyways. It's only 1 mile longer to work, though it's mostly back-roads instead of highway. With all the hills, and curves, it'll be fun to see what the roads are like when the snow starts sticking. >.> I love my room though. Once we are 100% completely done with moving, I'll make a recording through the house and put it on youtube, and then send a link. I will say that I have my own fireplace, 2 dual sliding doors, and a semi-hidden room with no heaters, perfect place to stash my soda. =)

Joshua's Funeral went ok I suppose. I hated the preacher. You could just tell that he was getting paid. He didn't know Josh, so it was almost laughable when he started talking about how he was such a great guy, and you could just tell, blah blah blah. He was just talking out of his ass. In my opinion, he was making himself look bad.
Anyways.. It went ok.. Some coworkers from work (Rite-Aid) came to say something, his friends said something, 2 out of 3 of his older brothers. There wasn't that much to be said, but they wanted to say something to help with closure and help people understand that, though Josh had gotten into trouble in the past, and was quiet, he really did care, and he was quiet because he was mature. He didn't waste his breath on saying anything pointless. He'll be missed, no doubt... Oh, and btw. He died in a single car accident. Somehow he drove off the road, hit a tree and flipped upside down, spun on the roof, and hit another tree while spinning. Somewhere in that mess, he was ejected from the car. He wasn't wearing a seat-belt and died instantly. =/ Nobody knows why he drove off the road. He wasn't tired, there's no skid marks, the roads were clear...

There's a 100% chance my mom and dad are giving it another chance. Mom still asks to not be disapointed in her. If that's her choice, then I support her no matter what.

Work has been ignoring us 'veterans' that have worked for a while, so that they can focus on the newbies and see if they're doing their job correctly. That I understand. What I don't understand is how they'll still jump on us and give us an occurence right away if we miss a day, but they can take over 3 weeks to reward us for perfect attendence or give us SF points. (Service First points can be used for multiple things.)

And lastly, my trip to Tyler's is less than a month away. =) Of course hopeing my mom doesnt' need to borrow any more money until then. It'd be even better if she started paying me back by then. I'll have plenty of spending cash still, but it'll be around 300 to 500 instead of the 600+ I thought it'd be.

So everyone, that's an update on everything pretty much. Any questions, comments, concerns, complaints, you know where to find me.. And please.. Buckle up.. =/

R.I.P. Joshua Beattie

Today, around 3am, my cousin Joshua Beattie was in a car accident and did not survive. My mom and sisters went up to see my aunt and grandma. I have to stay and work, or I may screw up my plans to visit my beloved Tyler.

Not sure what else to say. I apologize for the lack of length. I'm fine. It's just like when my grandpa died. I just don't see death as a bad thing, as long as your not leaving your loved one behind. Messed up, I know, but that's how warped I am. Just more proof to show you that love IS everything to me.

While your driving, please be careful. I don't know the reason he crashed, but just be more careful... Thanks.

Changes and Updates... Big and Small...

Ok, a few random changes, both big and small. We'll start with the small and work our way up, ok? Well, why am I asking you? You don't have a choice. =P Well I suppose you could read this blog backwards, but are you going to be THAT stubborn to put so much effort just to rebel against me? =P

To get things started, a few things you may have noticed about my blog. Nothing big, just Counters. A Real-time All Hits counter, and a Unique Visitor counter. Just thought it'd be kinda interesting. Wish I could get the unique visitor to start from the beginning of my blog, but sadly it isn't part of Blogger so there's no way. =/

Another change would be, headache-wise. It's technically a change, but it's to be expected. My 24/7 headache has grown a bit in intensity, as well as I'm now more susceptible to headache spikes. This is because I'm out of preventatives at the moment. Also means it's no longer lowering my blood pressure. What this means is, since my body was use to the lower blood pressure, it was use to running on some "low" setting. I'm just going to say that for lack of a better phrase. Now it's running without limitations, so it's on "normal". The only problem is, my body isn't use to it, so not only am I feeling more awake, I'm also burning through more energy and getting tired faster, which sucks. And just to show the difference, normal blood pressure is 120/80 and at 4 pills it was at 84/60. And for the record, I'm taking 5, so it's even lower than that.

A bit bigger would be my Uki (1995 Suzuki Sidekick). It's permanently KO'd. Even the mechanic couldn't find out what was wrong. He said he could take a longer, more thorough look into things, but I don't want to pay him more for nothing. So I posted it up on this website "Craigs List". It's kinda cool for people who want to post what they have to sell, online. And you can search about things in your area. And it's free to use. =) I've gotten only ONE offer of cash, and then some stupid people messaging me. Including someone with extremely poor grammar, and someone who wanted to give me some cash AND trade his old jeep. Which I'm guessing doesn't work. If it did, why would he be looking for mine, which clearly states that it needs some work? >.>

I have also officially purchased the plane ticket to get to Ty's. The times have been cleared by both families, so we should have no problem. I believe I have $130 saved up in spending cash right now, and will deposit around $200 each paycheck until I leave. I even have a Countdown until I arrive at Tyler's. =) http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?month=12&day=27&year=2009&hour=20&min=25&sec=00&p0=142

Finally, dad's moving back in. Yes, we're still moving to the new house, but mom and dad are going to give it another try. Mom asks to not be disappointed in her, but she's just getting overwhelmed with everything. Which is pretty understandable actually. I'll still be on mom's side and help her out as much as I can, and I'll also be nice to my dad as much as I am able... But I do hate man-whores, and dad is a major one, simple as that.

So, there you have it. I'm posting more, as promised. And look at all that can happen in a few days? XD And here I thought my life was boring. *rolls eyes*

Oh, and btw, I have learned Tyler is even more unique! An Anime/Video Game lover who has not seen Final Fantasy Advent Children, OR have played a Super Mario Bros. game. (The old style where you run to the right? =P) Makes me feel kinda old. XD *Turns to Tyler* It's ok though hun, ya know I love ya! =)

And I see my Unique Visitors climbing, but still a lack of comments.. Sheesh people, commentary isn't required but, if you have something to say or ask, feel free. I'm not gonna bite. =P Ty Might. >.> LOL.

The Beginning of the End...?

Today is my last day of being a teenager... Actually it kinda bothers me, but at the same time I just, don't care. My youth is pretty much gone... My childhood is over... I've almost lived TWO decades! (Though I've witnessed 3 decades technically. Was born in the 89).

Though honestly Tara (Whom I thought had pretty much vanished. I'd see her online but neither of us would start a convo.. Just figured she'd moved on and found other friends, and I wasn't needed.) But she wished me an early birthday for Saturday.. I had to stop and think, and then realised it was almost my birthday. I laughed just out of spite, of me forgetting my own birthday! Then my own mother texts me, reminding me again that this is my last day of being a teenager. (Was driving home after work, 1:00am so technically it was Nov 13th)

I'm also out of preventatives... Yay... My body gets to add more tension by, working harder now that nothing is keeping the blood pressure low (Which was a side-effect of the preventatives that I got use), as well as now there's nothing limiting my headaches... I hate this feeling... It's like, with the preventatives I was half asleep, and now I've fully woken up and realize just how heavy my body is, or just how much the headaches really bother me... And of course my heart beats faster/harder which sucks at times when I can feel it without even putting my hand over my sweatshirt. (Which yes, if you put your hand on my sweatshirt, or even the chain around my neck, you can feel the beat of my heart..)

I also just heard that my sister got a speeding ticket. 16, so that sucks. Caught doing a 47 in a 30 while driving out of Sherman. Which if you ask me, is completely stupid. Not even 1/4 of a mile away, the speed limit is changed to 55. I bet she could have looked a little down the road and saw the sign for crying out loud. But, rules are rules, and you should always be careful. Especially in Sherman, too many hiding spots available for them.

And last, before I go... Whoever is giving my number out, I hate you. -.- I've been getting random calls from different numbers.. Some of them don't even make sense.. "2" "+1002" Those aren't even real numbers, how can they dial mine? -.-

Thanks for reading you guys.. .. .. Well, girls + Rick (cousin) lol. Still dunno why you guys bother reading, I should be putting you all to sleep...

Great.. now I thought of chloe and how she read my blog.. *sighs* lame.. Just.. .. .. Lame..

[EDIT] Sorry... Didn't mention anything about Tyler. o.0 Things with her are going ok. Got into a little dispute about illegal and laws and how you should obey them (There are exceptions in my book). What's funny is we solve our little issues within a day. We don't let them go unresolved. Working things out is VERY important in a relationship. Honestly the only reason I came back to edit it was because she was a tad bothered that she wasn't mentioned in this post at all, but I didn't mind. I had updates to mention anyways, =P And unlike most bf's, I do what I can to make my gf happy. ^.^ (Sorry if that hurts anybody for any reason. >.>)

I love you, Tyler. Sorry that I miss Chloe.. As I've explained at times, she was just, my best friend for a very long time and.. vanished.. =/ But I know your territorial, and you don't like me missing someone that much, or pouring such strong emotions about someone else. I'd feel the same way in your shoes.. All I can do, which feels wrong, is to ask you to put up with me missing her, and to please understand that nobody will ever be as important as you, EVER. I love you so much. I have thought many others might have been my soul mate, but I know without a doubt that YOU are mine. =)

New House!!! (Random Updates Included)

We're close to moving to a new house. It's bigger, it's nicer, it's more expensive (of course), but it's worth the money if you ask me. We've got pretty much everything cleaned up and set up for us to just move our stuff into that house. There is a small issue.. See, in this house, we have all these pictuers, and stands up against the walls, and book shelves.. In the new house, that's extremely limited. Most of the walls are windows, or doors, or heating vents. -.- We should be moving into it within a week or two.

Gaming, really haven't done much. I'm waiting, patiently, for Guild Wars 2 that won't be till 2012!!! But it'll be an awesome game. Basically like WoW (World of Warcraft) but STILL no monthly fee's!!! Though I have to admit, I've often found myself thinking of Ultima Online.. Damn you Realm Life!! You got me addicted, and then poofed! >.<>.>

Work, it's normal. They seem to be hiring a LOT of people now.. I think they're preparing for the holidays.. That's gonna be a nightmare..

VISITING TYLER!!! The date is comming closer! Tomorrow I hope to be up early enough to deposit more money into my bank account to buy the ticket online. I keep pushing it off and if I wait too much longer, prices are gonna sky-rocket. I can honestly say I've never looked forward to anything this much in my entire life, lol. Though I am a bit scared to be honest. Not from what you might think though. I'm afraid they won't let me have my game system and games (in a duffel bag of course) as Carry-On luggage.. If I can't, and they end up losing it, I'm going to be soo pissseedd. >< I don't want my games, OR Ps3, OR Laptop to get lost or stolen..

As for additional notes.. I see that my readers haven't stopped, they're just keeping quiet about it. o.0 My cousin, Ricky, seems to be reading once in a while. (The weirdo who is like, 14, and 6'2''.. .. .. I'm not joking). Cynthia has returned, and is safe, and has kept up-to-date. Though that's a bit of a touchy subject.. And then now I just realised Stacey reads this too. o.0 She was part of Realm Life, and one of the 1337 members. One of the few who stood out, and if anybody spent any time on the server, would probably recognize the user name "Berko" lol.

Thanks for dealing with the slow updates. I know I need to post more, but I'm just afraid it'll become boring when I just talk about day-to-day stuff.. I'll try though! ^.^

I love you Tyler! I know you read more than anybody else. XD <3 <3 <3

The Scary and The Pleasing

Yeah, I know, odd title huh? Well I didn't wanna do the boring "Life Update" which is basically what every blog post is anyways, right? Great, first two sentences in the newest blog post are questions. >.< How lame is that? lol.

Paranormal Activity. Yes, there are soo many commercials about it, but it really doesn't say much. I mean, how can you trust critics and general hype? Here's some background info about the movie. It was made in 7 days and cost $11,000 to make, which was made in 2006. Yes, it took THIS long for the movie to get THIS big.

Now, it IS a scary movie. I never get scared with movies. Video Games are a bit more 'real'. They give you the sense of you being THAT character, and being in danger. But even in Video Games it's hard for me to be scared. THIS movie, however, got me a bit scared, though oddly enough it wasn't for my life, it was for Ty's. (In the movie, it seems the 'haunter' is obsessed with the girl, so of course I worried about MY girl, and got scared if she was going to be ok, and what if that happened to her, ect. >.< So yes I was scared, I admit it, a movie scared me, just not in the way I expected.)

What I can say, that's bad about the movie.. Ok, 2 things. First thing is, the free-roaming camera. It was done in movies such as Clover Field and Blair Witch Project to help promote realism. It's more-like Cloverfield, in which there is a REASON for the camera and it's implemented into the storyline, so it makes more sense then, say, Open Water. Where people are stranded out of a boat in the middle of the ocean, and I constantly asked "What about the camera man?" lol. The bad thing about this, is when it gets implemented into the big screen. It's dark, all you concentrate is the screen and the camera angle, which is constnatly moving against your own point of view and eyesight. I want to see what's in the corner on the left while the camera is slowly moving to the right. Throughout the entire movie, 'motion sickness' comes into play.

Second thing is... And I'll try to say this without spoiling anything. The ending, is both awesome, but ruined. In the preview they constantly show, what has to be the most important scene in the movie, as well as the ending. It's only part of it, but it's enough for everyone around me to jump and scream, and for me to go "Aww, come on, I remember that from the preview."

It is a great movie, I highly recommend it.. I'll definitely be buying the DVD whenever it comes out.. Then again, still waiting for "9" to come out on DVD too. -.-

OK! THAT WAS THE SCARY! NOW FOR THE PLEASING!!!

I'm going to be traveling to, and staying with, my lovely girlfriend/soul mate, Tyler. I'll be leaving on Dec 27th, and arriving there around 28th (I believe), and then staying there until Jan 6th. (I do have to re-work the numbers just to make sure, but I'm 90% sure that's right.) So at that time, I'll be online very rarely. But it'll be the most awesome trip ever. =) I'll still have my phone of course, not that any of you know the number, or text..

Or hell, not that any of you even read this anyways.. >.> *Waves at Tyler, probably the only reader left* I love you, gorgeous. =)

The Alma Program

http://rthaut.deviantart.com/art/F-E-A-R-Alma-Program-25381979

I'd suggest it to anybody. I do have it, and run it. It is virus free and just adds a little fun to playing on the computer to anybody not afraid of a little scare now and then. =)

For those that don't know... Alma is pretty much a demonic/psychic girl. Not the possessed, head twirling, throwing up kind of demonic. I mean, walking down the hall, and randomly see her appear before you, summoning two huge tentacles from the ground to destroy your comrades before vanishing both the tentacles and herself. Leaving only the corpses of the soldiers, and you with your jaw opening going "What the fuck?"

Or my personal favorite.. Seeing her appear and vanish before your eyes, just to walk around the corner and have her try to kill you...

SPOILER OF THE VIDEO GAME SERIES!!! F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origins!!!

What's even more scary is when she pretty much rapes you, and has you touch her stomach, while hearing a demonic/psychic "Mommy?" and then have her smiling. >.>

Won Again. Job Perks Updated...

So, seems like I have lucked out again.. So far my winnings of random raffles JUST for doing my job is...

- PS3 160GB Limited Edition (When it was $499 at the time)
Uncharted (Came with the PS3)

- High Definition Cable (To hook up the PS3 to an HD TV)

- Blue-Ray Remote with USB plug-in (To make it compatible with the PS3)

- (UPDATED!!!) $100 Visa GiftCard

So as you can see, working at my job as perks, and I've only been working here for 90 days!!!

Body Limitations...

Well, I believe my body has reached it's limit this morning. Not sure if it's from meds I took before I slept, and I woke up with them still in effect, or my headache spikes just got that much more dangerous...

But basically, my sister woke me up because I had visitors. I never have visitors.. It was those christian couple that wanted to check up on me after their last visit of handing out free information. Anyways, I got up, stretched a little, pet daisy who was sleeping on the floor beside the couch, and walked over to them. They handed me a brochure, and a couple catalogs, and asked if their last visit helped at all..

Well, this is where things get odd.. I could start to hear a ringing in my head. Now, this isn't entirely strange. After.. uhm.. >.> When blood rushes back to the rest of my body, often times I can feel a little light headed and can hear a bit of a ringing in my ear, I'm use to that. However, it started with the ringing, then I started feeling a little light headed and dizzy, they asked if I was ok, my sister asked if I was ok, but I just told them 'yeah, just a headache spike' and they said they'd come back later. I said "Alright." as my vision started to dim, to the point I didn't see them walk out of the door. I just turned around (Because I know the direction from the bathroom) and stumbled a bit as my vision slowly returned but so did a sick feeling. The ringing got worse and I dry heaved a few times while closing my eyes. Mom asked if I was ok, and I know it's sweet of everybody to ask that, but I don't care, lol. Either I'll be ok, or I'll be dead, in which case there's nothing for me to worry about.

Anyways, I called off of work, and after a few minutes after dry heaving, I felt fine. I don't know what that was, or why it happened. I have my theories, but I didn't wanna risk driving on the highway with that... This would almost be scary if I really cared about my own well being, lol.

So to summerize, can't say I was about to pass out, because I've felt that before. Being light headed and so fatigued and drained, hard to even keep your eyes open as your body wants to shut down.. This was completely different. Have my headaches reached a new level? Or has my body reached the limits of meds it can take?

A New Barrier... Chains that Bind...

I know I haven't updated this in a while, but I will make it a point to do so more often...

~LIFE UPDATE(S)~
Dad has already moved out, but he was living at my Uncle Phillips.. Now he has moved out of there and has gotten a small apartment. The apartment is also shared by my oldest sister, Meagan, and her friend, Nikki.

We were under the impression that we had to move out by Sept 21, but that is not the case. Apparently we won't even have to think about moving out until 2010. Though this is good news, this is also bad news at the same time.. .. .. I can't get any better internet. -.-

I have bought the movies Death Note and Death Note II: The Last Name. From the anime, they have made a real-life film, with Ryuk, Rem, and Jealous to be in full, near-flawless, CGI.

~RANT/REASON~

This is the reason for the, drive, to make a new blog post. As well as a rant, you could say. Spilling out some emotion for anyone and everyone to read... Though I'm sure I've lost my readers by now... Just like I lose friends... Fate takes them and pushed them away...

I have not-so recently done something I, kind of, regret. This isn't easy to say, because I'd rather forget... I pretty much cheated on Tyler... My Soul Mate... It was, for mixed reasons. The girl, who I will only mention as "Chey", has been through hell. That which matches my Ashy Hell's past. Though while my Ashy Hell put herself in those dangerous situations, Chey just got the raw end of the deal.

I wanted to help... To heal.. That connection.. It felt like.. 'it'.. It was similar.. Really close.. My heart is wrapped around Ty's, just as it was then. It seems either my Romance is growing, or the barriers that separate myself from my manwhoreish past have been crumbling away without me looking. Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy if I lived with Chey. I can even sit down and think through the years of what it'd be like. I more-so just wanted her to be happy. She's been through so much, she deserves it... But.. I am not the person meant to cause such happiness.. And in the end, I just caused more pain.. And nobody knows how much that hurts..

It hurts in various ways.. I never want to hurt a girl.. And in physical sense, it's impossible. It's like being paralyzed. You try and try, knowing you can move that body part.. But it won't listen. I could make a fist, I could glare at a girl, but I could never swing at them... Not unless some extreme circumstance. And not only that, but i use to be a manwhore. Finding out how far I could push my romantics.. And then my dad.. My dad cheated on my mom at least 6 times.. I can't.. I won't be like him..

And lastly.. I never wanted to hurt Ty.. I wanted to be the perfect boyfriend.. Her and I match on so many levels. I can try and tell myself that we all make mistakes, that to learn from them is what's important, and that we all have regrets, it's part of being human.. .. .. But none of that makes me feel any less mean..

So.. I shall make sure it never happens again... My Romance is focused on Ty.. My Romance won't be allowed to reach anyone else.. The chains shall make sure of that.. Ty shall have the key. Think of this.. as a new level.. I've wrapped my heart around one person before.. But this is on a deeper level.. Like.. Fusing or Infecting.. My Romance won't work without Ty. Think of me as insane if you wish, but reality is all about perception.

As for you, Chey.. You probably won't read this.. But I do appologize.. I not only want you to be happy, but I also don't want to lose another friend.. Especially on purpose.. But I'm sure you understand.. Please.. Take care.. Be careful.. You'll be with Pegasus.. Just hang in there..

Tyler.. I'm sorry.. You are my Soul Mate.. Believe me, this will never happen again...

.hack//G.U. Trilogy RELEASE!!!

"Through me the way is to the city dolent; Through me the way is to eternal dole; Through me the way among the people lost. Justice incited my sublime Creator; Created me divine omnipotence; The highest Wisdom and the primal Love. Before me there were no created things, only eterne, and I eternal last. All hope abandon, ye who enter here!"

Possibly the coolest, most random and insane saying I have ever heard, and it is the beginning of the awesome movie .hack//G.U. Trilogy, based off of the video game series. Actually, not 'based off of' but more like 'summarizes with a slight alternate story line' lol. This movie was released late August of 2009 (Yes, just last month!) and it seems almost nobody has even heard of it.. Not even fans of the video game series!

Seriously, this isn't the greatest movie for non-fans of the game. Not only will you not understand most of it, but it is also Japanese voice only, with english subtitles. That bothers some people but to others it shows real anime. The story line will most likely just look like a love-triangle, murder mystery, and plot twist. However, IT.. IS.. GORGEOUS!!! I'd take these graphics over even Final Fantasy Advent Children, though that movie might be more realistic, this movie is based in a video game world, so it's understandable. Seriously, even without High Definition, it looks amazing.

For fans of the game, this is a must-see. Not only do you see some of the past cut scenes re-done in better graphics (Such as Haseo the PKK vs Pkers, and Haseo vs Tri-Edge) you also get to see a much bigger, impressive battle.. Not to spoil it for you of course, but you do get to see what fans are calling "B-st form". And there's bonus features like "Parody Mode" where it seems they took a few regular cut scenes and mixed with the subtitles to add a few jokes, making Haseo look like a major perv, such as joining the G.U. so he can get free membership to porn and get unlimited access to Pi (Girl character) >.>

Seriously, if you don't buy the DVD, at least watch it streaming somewhere.. Though I'll warn you, the major reason to watch is to see the awesomeness of the graphics, and streaming video butchers that.

.hack//G.U. Trilogy gets 4 outa 5 stars!!! Yeah, no perfect score. Sorry, but it's way too rushed. If you've played the games, you'll be pointing out all the things they cut out lol.

Xing Sketch

Ok, no idea if there's a style for this sort of art, but I am going to call it Xing. Though it is lots of little lines, not exactly X's, it just kinda sounds cool lol. If you save and zoom in you'll see what I mean. This is just one of many that I do with my boredom and patience. It helps me ignore my Insecurity and Heartache and just overall chaos of my life, and express how chaotic some things are on paper.

Happy Birthday, Heather!!!

Heather, I wish you a happy birthday!!! I know birthdays seem more boring and more pointless as they go by, but as long as you have something that makes you happy, then everything can be ok. ^.^ Even if you DO like WoW (World Of Warcraft). >.> I'm still Anti-Monthly Payments, even if I spend more than $15 a month on just random console games which I don't finish anyways. >.>

So, Heather. A lot of memories, huh? Realm Life was way more awesome with you in it. Though, majority of the memories still go to The Darkest Star... Very customizable but a shame it never took off. I'm glad we had that time though... I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

I wish you the best of luck in everything that you do, and I hope things start turning around for you...

As for everybody forgetting, don't worry... They just aren't important enough.. I'll remember though. ^.^

And, yet again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HEATHER!!!

Pain...

Lots of pain... Headache spike and it's lasted quite a while. Actually taking the maximum amount of Tylenol Extra Strength: Rapid Release Gel's and as soon as I can, and when I can't take any more I'm taking the maximum dose of Asprin. Even then I still hurt... I'm sorry I haven't been as talkative or happy as I usually have been. Or on as much as I use to be...

I'm sorry... I hope this goes away soon.. or if this is the new 24/7 headache, then I'll adjust as quickly as I can... *sighs* Work is gonna be hell now. -.-

Boring Rut and Randomness

There's not much to say, I'm sorry I haven't been posting a lot. Nothing much has been happening.

I started a new account in Flyff on the PVP server so I can have extra fun when I get powerful enough. And I like the added excitement. My lovely gf, Ty, has also joined with me. As I am going to be a STR Knight, she's going to be a full INT Ringmaster. So basically we have an awesome damage dealer and an awesome healer/buffer lol, perfect combo.

Work is, same as always. Avging around 1000 calls per paycheck, but recently it's been more from the stupid First Premier Bank credit card applications. As soon as those calls start slowing down, they send a whole new wave of them, so then we start getting calls back to back. Each call takes about 6-10 mins IF everything goes smoothly, but that never happens. There are too many retards that don't read the mail, so then are suprised by fee's when they do hit their card. The mailpiece explains EVERYTHING. So please, anybody who recieves mail, before calling a number, before applying for a credit card, READ everything first.

Random sister stupidity: "I dunno, can I call and activate it now? But it says it will be Activated September 4th." Uhm, that means it'll be activated at that date, it does not say an action is required. Are people really this stupid? I'm not extremely smart, I'm no straight A student, but it seems there are SOOOO many people who seem to lack common sense, if not even the ability to comprehend.

My headache preventatives seem to either not be effective or that my headaches have just slightly grown worse. One good thing about it is, it seems to drown out my Insecurity. I guess the headaches effect him as well.

Loaning out money to family seems to be a big thing. If I'm buying Soda, it's being stolen right in front of my eyes, and at a really fast pace. I believe in 12 hours, 6-7 cans were gone and I only had 2 of them. In 24 hours, 13-14 cans were gone and I only had 3 total.

I have boughten a few new games. Twilight Princess for the Wii, Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex for the PS2, Gungrave Overdose for the PS2, and Obscure The Aftermath for the PS2. I've already defeated the Ghost In The Shell game. Honestly, it was a pretty decent game. Gungrave Overdose DO NOT BUY. The controls are so odd, though you'll mostly just be pushing the Square button to shoot. Obscure is too dark, I need it to be aroudn midnight before I attempt to play it. And Twilight Princess is pretty neat.

Random saying that I hate, when you shoot someone down 'in cold blood'. Technically this means they were in some sort of container or puddle, which contained cold blood instead of water. o.0 Who here has seen a movie with anybody actually being in cold blood? If they're talking about some lame metaphor for the killer being cold blooded, shouldn't the saying be "shooting someone down with cold blood."? Well I guess that's saying the bullets are cold blood.. Hmm, so that saying can't work, it should be getting rid of. >.>

Also a bit more randomness, the concept "Revenge". I almost agree with it, but I think it should be dealt on a level higher than the damage that was initially done. Such as, an eye for an eye? Nooo. An eye, foot, and finger for an Eye. They should recieve exactly what they did, and more. Otherwise, how will they learn? If Afghanistan hit us with a couple plane's, and we hit them with a couple bombs and obliterate them, then everybody else would think twice about doing what they did. You can't call it fear because it's not a threat, it'd be showing them how we react. If they didn't do anything for us to react to, everybody would be fine. Believing in Revenge might be evil, but I plan on going to hell anyways to take vengence on manwhores (Any guy who doesn't treat a girl right. Either through abuse, pure neglect, or other various factors.)

Ok, I'm gonna stop now. Slight headache spike as well as a sore on the inner-bottom lip. Talking to much and I'm not use to it I guess. =/ Maybe I'll try talking slower.

For anybody and everybody reading this, thank you for listening to me. I can't imagine why you'd be so interested in my life, nor would I understand why your giving up so much of your time to read this. I hope I didn't bore you too much, and if you have any arguments or corrections for me (Like you usually do, Emily lol) you know by now that I do not mind being corrected or having to face another side of one of my opinions.

Take care and be careful... And thanks for avoiding Fate so far.. Current Friend list remains as..

Tyler (Amazing gf)
Aimee (Alias)
Ellie (Alias)
Chelsey
Emily (Drifting apart)
Genevieve (New-ish Friend, Not close)

Street Fighter Movie.. .. EPIC FAIL X2

Ok, the latest Street Fighter Movie about Chun Lee (sp?) is soo horrible, I wouldn't even recommend youtube-ing even any of the fight scenes.

Oh boy.. Where to start.. Why not start with the main good character... Chun Lee. I apologize if I haev spelled it wrong but this is how I'm going to spell it for this entire post.. She looks nothing like her, sounds nothing like her, doesn't even have her fast-kicking ability/skill that is her trademark.

Now onto the main evil character, Bison. The big, broad-shouldered guy who could tower over his opponents. Well apparently he bleached his hair, changed his trademark look, he grew shorter, less buff, lost his ability to fight and any special powers. He went from looking like a bad-ass bodyguard that nobody wanted to mess with, into this white-trash mob-boss wannabe.

Ok, powers.. Now Street Fighter was never TOO big on powers like Mortal Kombat was, however people had their own abilities... Some guy from India could stretch his limps, there was a beast that could produce electricity, ect. In the movie there was healing (for a total of 3-5 seconds), and the only other power shown was this weird ball of light.. Which was just wind.. Was that ripped off of Dragon Ball Z and their Ka-may-ha-may-ha-may-ha blast thing? Or was it ripped off of the Avatar the last Airbender?

There were 4-5 battles, very short. The longest one was actually a swarm of soldiers with guns.. It looked more like cops taking out bad guys with the swat team. >.>

Final Battle? Basically Chun Lee kicked the crap out of him.. And the final move? The magic air ball that took about 15 seconds to form (why didn't he move out of the way while she was getting it ready?) she threw it at him just to push him off the building.. >.>

Seriously.. This is completely retarded.. The old Street Fighter movie with Guiles (sp?) VS Bison actually looked exactly like the video games.. I prefer the old movie over this piece of crap. -.-

Flyff/Fly for fun.. .. .. EPIC FAIL.

Ha, I've had the same account for over 4 years.. I've even let it sit idle for 1 whole year and logged back on, nothing changed, it was awesome... However, Flyff has released a new Anti-Hack program, and what do ya know? I'm hacked.. I went through a whole mess with Flyff Support trying to figure out my new password. My secret security question was changed as well so I had to describe my entire account to get it back..

SUCCESS.. They say they have found and verified my account, gave me the e-mail address that it was registered to, and told me to do the Reset Password option...

PROBLEM.. The Reset Password option does, indeed, reset your password and sends a new one to your e-mail... However, it gets sent to the registered e-mail.. So I did all that just to send my hacker a different password to the account. -.-

Seriously, "manglador@hotmail.com", You are a complete loser and I hope you die a painful death. I'll see you in hell with all the manwhores. =P

Happy Belated Birthday Tara!!!

Well, I've met Tara in the very first mmorpg I've ever played, which was a free UO server. (Ultima Online) And when I was marked as a murderer (For Rez killing a loser.. I actually think it was to help Tara, and the dude just wouldn't quit, so I would keep killing.) I was stuck on Felluca, where nothing cool happens and PVP/looting is available anywhere. Tara would risk being pvped to come and visit me at the same location that I stayed for the 1+ month. But I guess I was there so she'd be safe. =P

Anyways, I've known her for over 4 years, when she was young and a little kid.. And now, she's got a bf, high school, I mean.. She's grown a lot in such a little time.. Yeah, that doesn't sound creepy, at all. >.> XD

She's a really nice girl, and has been through a lot. None of which she deserved, by the way. Now she has Nate, who I have to admit is a good guy to say the least, and I'm really glad they got together (He has been her best friend for a long time.)

Now, to the point of the post. 2 weeks ago she turned 16!! (Yeah, well she's rarely on and is one of the friends who faded away, just talked to her last night and caught up a bit. Really made my day.) So, though I know quite a few people read this but nobody really comments because it requires you to register and account, but I want everybody, when they read this, to say out loud "Happy Sweet 16, Tara!"

Oh, and by the way, pronounce it (Ta-Ra), not (Terrah), cause that sounds like the gangster version of Terror. She's awesome but she's not scary. XD

The Chains That Bind...

I do apologize for the lack of posts... I understand not many people read this.. If anybody anymore.. (My hats off to you, Emily.. For I know you'll get around to reading this.. And I thank you.. For you alone, my words that I type, the time it takes to type them, and the effort to share them, are not in vain).

I feel less Romantic than I know I am very well capable of.. I know I have been out of headache preventatives for over a week and headaches aren't helping anything, including stress levels, which job and family issues aren't helping that either.

Have you ever wanted to say something or do something, but just couldn't? It has nothing to do with energy, effort, courage, ect.. You want to do it.. But.. you just can't.. Like something is stopping you.. Something is in your way.. Preventing.. Holding you back.. I feel that way.. And I apologize for all whom it effects..

And again.. Fate seems to slowly be pushing people away.. Slowly fading.. My friends I talk to even remotely frequently are now down to...

Tyler...
Alias - Aimee
Alias - Ellie
Emily (Slowly drifting apart)
Chelsey (Slowly drifting apart)

And that is it.. And to think.. Gaia Online I had over 100 friends.. Over 5,000 comments and was even going for 10,000 before they put the 500 limit on, and before I was hacked by a friend that I refuse to confront, for I feel as though she saved me from there instead of punishing me...

And to think.. The recent mess has pushed, or hurt my trust, with Tyler and Aimee..

Is it.. wrong to almost miss Ash, JUST because I've known her for so long? I use to think friendship with her was a curse... But now.. I can't believe how distant we've grown.. It almost hurts, as twisted as it is..

And Chloe.. My eyes get watery everytime I mention or even think her name.. Just like now.. Sometime.. I still forget she's gone.. And to be honest, if she were to randomly pop online.. I wouldn't believe it.. I would assume it was a friend or enemy just playing some sort of prank or being an imposter... As sad as that is..

Anyways.. I apologize for this rant.. i just.. It seems I have less and less people to talk to.. And even if nobody reads this.. Just to write them down.. I've shared them with my computer.. And sadly.. As pathetic as it sounds.. As sad as it is... That makes me feel a little better..

Now.. just to wait until my computer slowly fades, and dies, and disappears from my life.. Just as it seems everyone else eventually does.. But have no fear.. The time we spend together.. I cherish.. and will always remember..

And for those memories.. I thank you.. For letting these chains feel just a little bit lighter..

Michael Jackson

Ok, let's start this off by saying a good thing about em..

His songs.. His dance moves.. They're awesome.. Nobody will ever top them.

HOWEVER...

HIs sales from HIS time when he was big, he sold around 10,000 albums... AFTER his death, the sales jumped to 450,000+... His sales have jumped over %2,000 JUST because of his death? Are you serious? He isn't even big anymore...

And they've already started with the "Collectible Memorabilia" of huge posters/pictures of him.. Though what's odd, they are all of when he was black.. NEWSFLASH, he was white when he died.. By doing this, you're showing how fake he is now, and admiring the past/living in the past, and it took his death for you all to realise that you like him enough to buy something?

And Child Molestation.. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I do know his friends and family claim how he's sooo good and kind-hearted, yet did you know how much drugs they found at his place? His secret room with rows and rows of tapes? (Not sure what's on them.) He even had a computer and a video hook up, aimed right at a crib... Which, I'll add, there were stacks of tapes by this computer as well..

So whether or not he was a child molester, the fact remains that he was a drug addict.. And that whole, "He was born that way, where his skin turned white over time." and "It was genetics, his nose fell off and he had to replace it." that's completely bull.. Seriously.. If you live in that kind of fantasy, then when we have nucleur wars, think they're a shooting star comming to take you to heaven. -.-

Sorry for the rant but a stupid commerical selling Michael Jackson Collectible's set off this rant. -.-

Chloe..?

My closest friend, my greatest friend, my favorite gaming partner, My Anti-Ash..

I don't know what happened to you.. I know that you said you were busy with school work but you also said you'd reply to e-mails and that does not seem to be the case..

Chloe.. I miss you.. I haven't forgotten about you.. And I really hope you're ok..

I really.. Don't know what else to say...

Sad

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

My great friend Emily (I have two but the insomnia one of whom is one of my followers) has shared this with me and now I'm spreading it on to anyone who doesn't know about it. Just click it and you'll understand...

To those too lazy to click it.. It's where people send in anonymous post cards with secrets on them, and those are, in turn, posted. Thus, secrets are shared, however they don't have to face the eyes of those that would otherwise judge them. A couple examples are...

Update to lame Drama

As most of you have seen first hand, I have not lost internet yet... We are in the process of saving for moving and Monday starts training for work...

Also, on a more personal note... Headaches and Romantic Moods seem to be battling it out. In the same 24 hours I've been in Deep Romantic Moods, and Crippling Bad Headaches.. Such constant changes have almost driven me semi-depressed.

I also apologize for the lack of blog posts. Emily is on a trip, Chloe has yet to return from such a busy school schedule to even reply to an e-mail, Sofi isn't being friends because of some lame argument and/or misunderstanding, and Ash.. Well I doubt she cares enough to keep up with blog posts.. We rarely talk anyways...

Oh, and yeah, Chloe.. I don't know what happened. She said she was busy with work and would try to reply to an e-mail.. But she hasn't logged on MSN nor replied to e-mail or blog comments. I'm extremely worried and I miss her tons..

Chloe.. My light.. Why have you faded?

BAd NEWS!!! IMPORTANT!!! WARNING!!!

Ha ha, everytime I see "WARNING" I think of every Mega Man boss battle. XD

Anyways, I do have bad news.. Monday, June 22nd, my dad is shutting off the entire AT&T service (Ha ha, he can pay the $175 early termination fee + $5 for every unpaid month left on the contract). I will be starting training on the 29th, of which then I get a $36 bonus for every day of training completed for the first week (4 days), and then the 2nd week of training I get paid normal hourly wages.

So, it will be at the very least, 2 weeks of no internet. Possibly 3 weeks.

I do apologize to everyone. This is just Dad's way of causing some sort of mess while Mom and Dad both move closer to a Divorce, which is 100% guaranteed going to happen.

I'll get on as soon as I have reclaimed internet. Until then, I'm sure we'll get a phone of some sort, and to those that are important, I do have phone numbers. Not that we could sit down and have too long of chat but I'd like to keep updated in your lives, and keep you updated in mine. (Especially Tyler and Emily.) If you want to give me your number, e-mail it to me at Orothe_Naroom@hotmail.com.

(Poem) Romantic And Remembrance

My heart beast strong---Falling feathers----------She sits beside
My blood flows fast,------Encircle me,------------And doesn't lie
Remembering-----------Impossible--------------Just watches too,
This pain won't last.-----How can this be?--------The days go by.

I sit behind-------------Fluffy and soft-----------Arms wrap around
An old oak tree,--------All solid white,-----------She stays with me,
And feel a breeze-------Unlike problems---------Snuggles closer
Brush across me.-------They are all light.--------Then we're both free.

The sky is clear--------The breeze blows more---My head on hers
And sun is bright,------And they ascend,---------Our bodies close,
I tune out thoughts----Repeating process--------We both need more
And heal in light.-------Happens again.----------Not just a dose.

I close my eyes---------They soar sky high------We both have a fear
And breathe real slow, --Without a care----------And a regret,
There's still a lot---------What simple life-------T'was a break up
I just don't know.--------They have to bear.-----Since we have met.

My stress degrades-----Just like my hopes------We're together
Emotions hit,-----------They're in a cloud,-------Our hearts connect,
Inside my soul---------How mom and dad--------Our memories
Something has lit.-----Must have been proud.----We both collect.

Arms wrap around----I bow my head---------We'll make new ones
A soft embrace,-------And give a sigh,--------Stay side by side,
Then disappears------Can't stand people------We'll stay right here
Without a trace.------And don't know why.----From earth, we'll hide.

My l ids shoot up------I love this hill-------------This cannot stop
My hopes rise high,---And love this tree,---------We're in a bind,
Could it be her--------It helps me look-----------Our hearts want more
Or just a lie?----------Deep inside me.-----------I hate my mind.

Alas, nothing----------The tree gives shade.------My headache hits
There's no one here,---And wind, comfort,--------I start to fall,
I'm still alone----------Doesn't matter------------I just woke up
And filled with fear.----That I've been hurt.------And lost it all.

I try to rest------------It is all clear--------------My dream shattered
Calm down a bit,-------And is all fine,------------I shed a tear,
But memories---------I have got Ash-------------Ash holds me close
Seem not to quit.-----And she's all mine.----------Consoles my fear...

(Poem) Soulmate Onto Suffering

I want to help-----------My heart beats fas-----I'll do my best
I want to please,--------My chest is tight,-------To come around,
I need support----------This cannot happen----To hold my head up
And want to ease.-------It isn't right.-----------And not break down.

I try my best--------My head starts beating--My spazzing was right
And tried Romance,--And begins to throb,--My nightmares came true,
I'll stick to love-------It takes effort---------I have to face facts
Or shield and lance.---Not to sob.-----------I have... lost you...

I can't compete---------My name is Tim Jude
I just can't win,---------This sounds kind of rough,
You won't let up--------I live for love
Just strike and grin.----I'm not that tough.

My love, my life--------The good is gone
My everything---------My light is lost,
I give you freedom-----I keep thinking
You then sting.---------At what cost?

You let me in-----------I tried my best
Then took me out,------Endure the bash,
I hate you--------------It's all in vein
Without a doubt,-------So thank you, Ash.

I entertained-----------Somehow I stand
And was your toy,------My heart can beat,
For a moment----------Does this mean
I brought you joy.-------I took defeat?

You got bored----------It can't be over
And didn't try,---------It never will,
This pain is killing------The hole in my heart
I won't lie.--------------Just own't fill.

I loved you a lot--------The pain continues
And want it back,-------I must be mad,
You are evil-------------If someone would help
Something I lack.-------I'd be glad.

I do have regrets----------Somehow I still love
And a lot of pain,-----------But it can't be,
There's only so much------How does it beat
I can sustain.--------------If ripped out of me?

(Poem) Light and Dark

I hate the light--------------I wonder if------------With my darkness
I love the dark,-------------I cannot last,----------I'll help you through,
I have to bite---------------Will they forget---------To shield your pain
I love to bark.--------------About my past?--------Cause I love you.

What dark I hide-----------I cannot lash-----------I'll bend backwards
And light I blind,-----------I cannot lie,------------My heart an ark,
I start to think-------------Dark or Light-----------Which one am I
I've lost my mind.----------Which One am I?-------Light or Dark?

I hate to hurt--------------You give me light
I hate the pain,------------And protection,
I can't escape--------------You tear at heart
It falls like rain.------------And recollection.

I try to run----------------You do not seem
I try to hide,--------------To heal the scar,
My body aches------------I don't know you
I just can't die.------------Or what you are.

I'm kind of scared---------You stole my heart
I have a fear,--------------You have my lust,
It's in the dark------------It has to change
When you're not here.-----This is a must.

Darkness cloaks-----------But no matter
And light reveals,----------What you attack
I tell myself----------------I'll do my best
This can't be real.----------To not lash back.

You are my light-----------I see your grin
You are my guide,----------You're having fun,
I should have known--------I guess this means
You would have lied.--------That you have won.

I do not act-----------------I'll play your game
I only talk,-----------------I'll be your pet,
I just can't seem-----------You must have changed
To walk the walk.-----------Since we have met.

I try my best---------------I'll stay with you
Endure the lash,------------I will be fine,
I am human----------------But promise me
And not some trash.--------You will stay mine.

(Poem) Hopeles Romantic

Love is hard------------You strike once more---------I hate you hurt
It hurts like hell,--------I heard a crack,--------------I hate your past,
I tried to stand---------Just one moment-------------I promise you
But then I fell.---------Then I'll be back.-------------The pain won't last.

I get back up-------------I can't lose you---------I'll help you heal
To take a stand,----------I just can't think,-------And get you through,
You strike my heart------You push the limit--------By saying this
And I'm down again.------I'm at the brink.---------"I love you..."

I love, I lust--------------I love you
I disagree,----------------I'll recieve,
You always lie------------I need you
You don't need me.------To relieve.

I give you freedom-------To be without you
You then abuse,---------Would be hell,
I can see-----------------I'd break down
How you're amused.-----And even yell

I can't strike back--------I made a promise
I can't lash out,-----------No suicide,
I'm a Romantic----------But please don't leave
There is no doubt.-------I'd be blind.

You strike again---------To walk this world
Before I'm up,-----------Without you,
You seem to think-------I'd have no one
I'm just that tough.------To see me through.

I have a weakness-------You are my world
It's despair,-------------You're what I need,
You can lash------------You're everything
I won't care.------------For you I'd bleed.

I'll take it all------------I'll always love you
To see you smile,-------For all time,
Just need a break-------I'll protect what's yours
Once in a while.---------As if it's mine.

I won't leave you-------No matter what happens
My heart is bound,-----Or what you say,
I can only hope---------I'll stick by your side
You'll come around.-----And keep it that way.

Sluts... The True Apocalypse...

Ok, just finished watching this show "True Life" or something like that on MTV.. Or maybe it was "Real World"? Something like that.. Anyways I now actually respect Bush a lot... He was completely stupid but he knew how to work the gas prices to get his buddies rich along with himself.

Sluts on the other hand, not only lack common sense, but lack all basis of reasoning and logic, and is amazing how they can put on their own shoes... Though they do so rarely since they wear flip-flops or heals, usually taking them off to dance or easily sliding them off for sex.

Now, the TV show pretty much followed a few different people and watched them with their love/sex life...

1 Girl wanted to have 1 girlfriend and 1 boyfriend, and did not want them to be together, did not want a threesome, she just wanted both.. Now I'd see that as, she really just wants boobs and a penis, so date a transvestite. How can you be happy with 1 girlfriend and 1 boyfriend? Apparently she plans on dieing before ever growing up, because she wouldn't be able to live with both of them, and sleep with both of them, while keeping both of them separate.

1 Girl was Bi and was teritorial.. She wanted to date this guy she saw on another MTV show "G for Gents" or "From G's to Gents" or something like that.. She hooked up with him through myspace (Woot, another point supporting myspace is just sex.) They went to a party, he went to get them drinks, and she saw a really hot girl.. She kissed her and made out a little, danced dirty, he came back and she continued to dance with him... Then towards the end, a few people recognized him from the show, hung around him, 1 girl gave him an innocent hug and the main girl flipped out. "I'm teritorial, I can't share." she says, while she can go make out with others? How is that fair at all? Then he walks away angered by her unfairness and she runs to try and catch up "No wait, please, I need a place to stay in this city, you can't ditch me." But then he turns around to talk to her and she walks right past him, trying to ignore em.. wtf?

Another was a guy who was Bi.. He dated a girl and asked if she had a problem with him being Bi... Now, that shouldn't even matter unless you still plan on dating guys, having sex with guys, having a boyfriend, ect... If you're dating a girl and not doing anything to guys, then you aren't Bi, you're taken. Also would like to note, the correct word is "Ask" as in "I'd like to ask you a question.".. What is with BLACK guys (That's not racist, that's just plain true. If you don't agree, don't say it then.) always saying "Aks" which is pronounced like "Axe".. Such as "Yo, I wanna aks you a question." Which my response would be "Yeah, and I want you to have, at least, a double digit IQ before talking with me, as well as a million dollars. Both don't seem to be happening anytime soon."

And the last one I'll mention is two "friends with benefits"... Girls of course. (Come to think of it, I've never seen or heard about two guys being friends with benefits..) Anyways, they were talking while eating (They were roomates I'm guessing?) and talking about how one girl needed a guy. The other girl said no, she just needed to get laid.. Of which grabbed her hand and led her to the bedroom. -.-

Seriously... those who follow lust only kill their own value... That is why they get used and abused and treated like crap, because that's how much they're worth, by their own actions. If all you want is sex, do NOT complain when that is all someone wants from you.

*sighs* Sorry, just had to rant... Sluts may very well be the main reason Common Sense is becomming more and more rare. -.-

Parental Drama Comeback...

Ok, so the guy my mom has been talking with, Jay (Jason), seems to be after money. But even knowing this, my mom still talks to him. That, I can't understand. However my dad wants her to chose, she can't have both. And though that makes him a hypocrite for saying that, he IS right. So today I helped him move into my uncle's. And I don't mean a bag of clothes, I mean everything he owns. He's going to stay there until mom can make up her mind.

Until then, I'll be the man of the household (Still job hunting, HA that's lame.) So yay for more responsibilities without praise, compensation, or even recognized. -.-

Parental Drama OVER!!!... With a twist?

Ok, my mom went to visit Jay (The other guy) another time, and she actually slept WITH him this time.. Yeah, had sex... Dad, of course, became selfish and territorial again, digging through her drawers to find anything...

After a whole lot of storming through the house, swearing and worrying... Jay calls Dad.. o.0 Asking how much is his marriage worth to him... Dad was a bit clueless, but Jay spelled it out.. Money.. Jay wanted money, and then he'd leave mom alone...

That was Jay's plan all alone. We have various texts that we've shown to my uncle, a sheriff, and he's called his boss and they are going to nail him with extortion. Jay doesn't know it yet, and I'll make sure to make a post whether he's ran and dodged the police, or if we got em.

I hate man whores... Who knows how many married couples he's done this too.. How many people he's milked and used for money.. *sighs* Another one I'll see in Hell...

True Beauty, Unnoticed?

A lot of girls are insecure about their figure, weight... Physical Attributes in general. I know media standards, as well as girls that are around their neighborhood who have spent WAY too much time on their looks, makes them feel less than equal to all the rest.

My true love, Tyler, doesn't seem to notice how beautiful she really is... She wears glass's but I only find that more adorable/cute. She has long hair that looks extremely feminine, it just makes you want to yell out "Awws", even when she does the girly trademark of tucking it behind her ear.. Even the simplest of movements, I feel captivated to stare.

Not to mention those eyes. She calls them boring but you could stare into them forever.. Maybe they're boring to her because, well, they're hers lol. Nobody's eyes could be as bad as mine, since they're 80% black pupil. -.-

Her figure, though extremely shy, claims to be chubby.. Now she almost has a figure 8, so I suppose you could call that chubby but most guys call that pretty perfect.

I have dated my share of good looking girls.. And pretty much all of my friends are attractive, I admit that. And I also wonder how that happened. I wasn't the popular guy in school... o.0 But all these girls that look like they COULD be popular if they wanted to be, have somehow become great friends... Weird lol... But regardless.. Tyler is, by far, the most beautiful girl I have ever met... I don't know what it is about her... Every inch of her amazes me... She's just so attractive, stunning, pretty, adorable, I have no idea what the correct word would be, besides "Near-Perfection"... Since nobody is perfect. But she is definately perfect to me... I hope, one day, I can get her to realise how beautiful she is to me, and how she always will be... Her eyes, her body, her mind, her personality, her soul... Everybody about her... is mine. =P

Updates on Bad News

I'll save the biggest for last...

---Akara Essex---

I have made a post already about this free server/shard. I recently got an IM from Satrinah, who brought me into a group convo saying the shard is back up. I laugh that it was down in the first place, and I laugh at how Satrinah pretty much insulted me and then left like a coward. *Shrugs*

---Movie Poof---

Ok, this is just a bit weird but the movie Obsessed has disappeared off the main theater and hasn't hit the Dollar Theater or DVD. o.0 Where did it go?

---Spoiled Sister---

Kerri asked to use my computer while I went shopping with my family for dad's B-day present. She had homework to do, so I said "Sure, but just for homework." When I came back, I checked history... She was on youtube, she was on AIM, and even downloaded some guy's pictures (Found a virus on one of em. I thought the name of the pic was odd.) What did she get? Nothing.. I don't even know what else she did but she's not touching my comp again.

---Rude Awakening... Literally---

At around 9pm yesterday, I felt soo tired and drained from the recent headaches as well as the all-nighter I pulled talking with my beloved Tyler. At midnight I woke up to mom and dad yelling at the dining room table. I listened for a while, trying to go back asleep but knowing it was going to be in vein. Then dad flipped out, yelling loudly. I immediatly got up, in case dad felt like getting physical, and mom said she needed to get out of the house. She was going to my Aunt Tammy's, nearest relative just barely an hour away. She lives in the, I'm not kidding, township of Sparta, PA. XD (This... Is... SpArTa!!! XD)
Anyways, to get there we leave from our house, go through the town of Findley Lake, go almost to Clymer but take a dirt road around it to Cory, then a couple random small townships till Sparta, so it's a bit of a drive.. We got to Findley Lake, headed towards almost Clymer and WAM.. mom ran over a possom (sp?) -.- We kept going while mom dodging dad's constant phone calls and texts, when we dodged ANOTHER possom.. I laughed and told mom "Wow, when you're upset, you attract animals." Well, wasn't more than 2 miles till we quickly see a Deer's Head (doe) right beside the van, and WAM. Hit it... It knocked out the driver's turning signal, driver's side window, and dented the driver's door enough to clip it shut. Can't be opened. So we drove back home, got out, took my Uki (1995 Suzuki Sidekick) and took a 2nd shot at driving to my Aunt's.. We did, I got to take a nap, woke up and left for home again...

Mom knows it's over now... All that's left is, figuring out what exactly to do next...

New GF!!! I <3 Tyler!!!

Yeah, that was a bit ex tactic... Wow, that was a big word for me. =P

Anyways.. I have a new girlfriend after a long while of being single... I feel confident this is not just to not be alone, but that we share a connection and have a lot in common, as well as chemistry. True there are a couple flaws we have to work on but, what relationship doesn't?

She is amazing and my official girlfriend. I really hope she is the one... My heart is slowly wrapping around her, and I am perfectly comfortable with it. ^.^

And for any guys, lesbians, or bi girls (Ash.. >.>) she's all mine! =P

The Tyler...

I have recently made a new friend, "Tyler" and yes, it's a girl. =P

Basically she's nice, kind-hearted, shy... We have chemistry/attraction, similar interests, similar views... She likes me and I like her, so I can totally see us working out... We aren't dating because we don't want to rush anything, so I'm ok with it..

I'm not sure yet whether this is a genuine good thing, like Fate has finally thrown me a bone.. Or whether it's part of Fate's plan and this is some sort of set-up to hurt me in the end...

I've been single for quite some time.. And as most, if not all, of you know, I hate being alone.. I need someone to focus Romance on.. Someone to love and be loved in return.. Though I understand not everyone can wrap their hearts around another, so I'm willing to wait however long it takes...

I really hope this is a good thing... I don't know how much smaller the pieces of my heart can get... or if those pieces can survive another blow before turning into dust.. =/

Good and Bad News (BIG Bad News)...

First the good news... Friend (Sofi) gave me the enthusiasm to get up and attempt to get "Trillian Astra".. I signed up for it a long time ago and never got an e-mail from em.. I tried again today and I got a reply this time (Though it was in my Junk folder.. I rarely check it so I'm guessing that's where the first reply went to.) And I got it downloaded and installed! It looks sweet and I LOVE the colors! Though my smiley's are gone. -.- Well, at least not put into the Trillian Astra yet.

Also, a tower is done in my area! Finally 100% switched over from Cell One to AT&T... For those that don't know, we had Cell One all throughout this area, but then the company was bought by AT&T... However, the towers were not completely compatible, so they have to work on the Cell One signal towers and switch them over. Well, one of the many towers around here is completely switched over, and I am able to expierience 3G... it's a bit weak since it isn't the closest tower, but I definately see a difference. ^.^ The other towers are still being worked on, so there's a chance, even if I have my air-card to pick up ONLY 3G signal, that a tower may be switching back and forth while being worked on, so I may still be randomly d/ced until all the towers in my area are done. -.- But it's still nice to know they are making progress. =P

NOW FOR THE BAD NEWS...

For those that don't know... My dad's a manwhore... (To clarify, my definition of a manwhore is any guy who doesn't treat a girl right. The only reason they'd stay in a relationship at all would be for the sex/physical pleasure.) He's cheated on my mom multiples times throughout their relationship/marriage. 6 or 7 if I remember correctly. The latest was with my mom's step-sister, and once that was done and over with, he said he was done and that it was a mistake... We found out a month ago that he's been talking to the step-sister all this time behind my mom's back, including sending texts such as "I'll be done early tonight, are you free?"

My mom has tried and tried to make things work, has forgiven him multiple times, but she's had it and I don't blame her. She's talking with a new guy a couple hours away and dad now knows about it. Though he's pulling all this drama, sympathy routine's, "good guy" image, Mom and I both know it's just an act. IF my mom were to forgive him, as soon as things got comfortable, he'd get bored and do something stupid again anyways... We are unsure who is keeping the house, how we'll split bills, ect. Dad's both trying to fix things and get it over with as fast as possible. (Yeah, he's being insane like that.)

So, lots of parents talking/fighting, as well as hearing Dad rant and talk to me, and Mom and I trying to make plans and figure things out (Because I'm definately on her side.) so things are kind of stressful here. I do feel sorry for my mom.. My mom and dad are high-school sweet-hearts.. My dad has been the only guy my mom has ever even dated... Though he's put her through hell and she's finally done with it, it's hard to see her in such pain.. Having to push away and say goodbye to the guy she's loved and been with her entire life... =/

My Chaos... "Fate"

My Chaos... The only thing greater, in every aspect, than my Ashy Hell... I often refer to My Chaos as "Fate"... Now, Fate is in no way ment to replace God or Satan, and has nothing to do with religion, nor is it meant to offend anyone.

Now for anyone who hasn't noticed, I often refer to the bad things that happen to me, as acts caused by Fate... I'm convinced with my luck that someone has to be pulling the strings... Drama is always following me, and I have no idea why.. If it's something I'm doing, I wish someone could simply point it out so I can focus on it, avoid it, or fix it.

I apologize for anyone this may hurt or affect in any negative way...

As for you, Fate... That was a nice blow... But you're going to have to do better than that! >:)

Ashy Hell and Fate

Ya know, I kinda agree'd with Binary code... It's either a "1" or a "0"... a "Yes" or a "No".. It fits with most religions as well.. They always have 2 paths. "Good" and "Evil". "Wrong" and "Right"... I know now, that isn't true..

There is a 3rd option, and that occurs when the first and second choice are not solid. For example, if a person does not want "A" and wants "B", there is a chance they really want "C".. However based on what they told you alone, "C" was not an option.

So what do you do when it becomes impossible to make someone happy? What do you do when you give them what they ask for and they give the same reaction as giving them something they specifically asked they didnt' want?

I learned that my Ashy Hell is similar to Fate, if not the physical manifestation of it. No matter what I do, how I do it, what I do it with, and what path I take to do it, I'm wrong.. I'm the bad guy. I screw up..

It's an extremely simple want... I want Ash to be happy.. But it seems the only way to do that, is to think outside the box.. I can't make her happy no matter what I chose, so the only way I can truly please her, is to do nothing at all and IMAGINE her being happy... See? Fate doesn't want to play by the rules, so I suppose I can't either.

From here on, I'm not caring about Ash. I don't love her, I don't hate her.. I simply just won't give her the light of day, or even the effort of breath. Since what I want and don't want, won't work.. And what she wants and doesn't want, won't work.. I'll have to take this shot in the dark.

So.. Fate.. Is this the final round? Are you finally coming at me with everything you have? I can't even imagine anything worse than screwing me over on everything without any rules. I've taken everything else you've thrown at me.. Let's see if you can still keep up!

Job Hunting

So far, so.. well, nothing but waiting.. I have my applications in various jobs, ranging from a Basket Factory (In a town called "Little Hope".. Literally, it's 1 street with 2 business buildings, and then a few houses.. Oddly enough there's a car to house ratio of about 4 to 1 though, and EVERYONE in the town hangs out or works at the two buildings.) to West Corporation (which is about 30-45 mins drive one-way)... I'm qualified for 6 different positions but so far they don't have scheduled training yet, so I have to wait till training starts for one of those positions. -.-'

I have enough in my savings to cover the next 2-3 weeks of bills.. After that though, I may have to take out a personal loan or borrow some money. -.-' *sighs* Can't believe they suspended me a couple days AFTER I spend $500+ on a wii! >.<

Anti-Akara Essex and Anti-Satrinah (Mini-Rant)

Before I say anything, I'm warning you that this is going to be short...

Akara Essex is easily the most customized free server/shard for the game "Ultima Online", as well as the unique leveling system making it a very original RPG. However though it has the best leveling system I've ever seen in any MMORPG or even an RPG both PC and Console based... It has major flaws.. First off I was just banned because I mentioned I played Guild Wars.. Yes, apparently a staff member, Rahv, doesnt' like Guild Wars so I was banned.. All that hard work for nothing...

Though before that he said he likes "fucking with people" (Someone you want in charge?) he asked everyone if anyone thoughth I should be banned. A friend of mine, along with a few others, said "Aye!"... Satrinah was one of them, but she posed as my friend. I guess she's one of those friends who are extremely nice to your face, but behind your back they are a bitch? That's basically what I found out she is, which is just that, a "Bitch". (Sorry Chloe for the swearing.) How someone can be so randomly heartless and cruel for no reason, that even goes past my Ashy Hell! Ash can come up with reasons and excuses, both BS and understandable, but Satrinah has nothing to say but "Well the voting wasn't what got you banned. Rahv said to go play Guild Wars."

I hate two-faced liars and I hate staff that abuse their power. They are pathetic, immature, and not even worth the effort to type any further.

Thanks for listening to mini-rant. If you want to try Akara Essex out, you can do so at www.akaraessex.com and follow the instructions, however I wouldn't put too much effort into it, because it seems you can be banned even if you don't break any rules.

Common Sense... Rare? (RANT!)

Ok, I can't take much more of this. People are being so stupid it's not even funny anymore. Some examples are...

Fake-Baking, also known as Tanning Booths. First off, you're paying earned money to cook yourself. For those that are racist, if you hate blacks so much why are you trying to get your skin that way? Maybe not exactly black but you're getting closer and closer to it. If you want to have that tannish look and attempt to get skin cancer, do it the natural/right way.. By laying out in the sun for hours. If you don't have the time, don't do it.. Did you know that Tanning Booths are too slow for some people? Yeah, so they have Spray Tanning! Wow! Let's spray something that seeps into your skin that is designed to darken it.. THAT sounds safe. -.-

Drivers.. Did you know that old people refuse to re-take the test to see if they still have the ability to drive because they feel that is stepping on their constitutional rights.. How? Driving is a privilege and it's understandable to test if they should still be able to have the same opportunity. It's common knowledge that as you get older, your senses/abilities fade. You won't be able to run as fast, you won't be able to react as fast, you won't be able to see as well, you won't be able to see as well.. Shouldn't you be tested again and again to make sure you still have the capability of driving a big chunk of metal at high speeds?

Ho-Ho's.. The snack that's like the chocolate version of Twinkie's... I'm tired of people offering you the other one after they have already eaten one, then have to explain why they are offering one. "Do you want my other Ho-Ho?" You say "No" And they have to explain "Oh, cause I opened a package and had one but I don't feel like eating the other" NO DUH!!!!

This is a personal one. My sister's friend has been driving ever since she turned 15 and only got her permit when she turned 16 1/2. That's 1 1/2 years of driving illegally to various places. But now that she has it, she won't do anything illegally.. not even go 1 mile across the state line to go tanning. (Only 7 miles away from home) COME ON!

And this last one will be a personal one too. My sister, Meagan. She can sleep with a minor, live with a minor, get engaged (Since he's now 17), claim she's an adult and how she's over 18 and she can do whatever she wants. However she not only doesn't have her own car, she also doesn't have her own place. She lies to my parents than wonders why she gets in trouble. She can do things 6 days out of the week, and the 1 time my mom says no, she pouts, stomps off, and yells how it's not fair.. MATURE MY ASS!

Seriously, my original thought of dieing was to kill as many Manwhores as possible before the cops shoot me down. I'm starting to think I should attempt to send a message to the world while shooting every stupid/retarded person I meet.

PS. Retards, I'm not talking literally but just because I brought them up, it's not that I don't hate them or anything but they do annoy me most of the time. They have a disabiliity.. Oook.. They gain special government helps to compensate.. NOW they are even. You cannot pull the sympathy routine and be babied/spoiled their entire life.

TO SUMMERIZE...

From humanity's dropping IQ and growing lack of common sense, I can't help but think we're all going to die way before any war, disease, or lack of supplies/resources ever occur.

Suspended?

Yup, I am officially suspended from work, of which I will be calling and quitting today anyways. You see, they hired me because I'm a guy so I can lift more, I look like I can handle myself so there'd be less of a chance of a robbery (Which there were none.), and the customers may feel secure knowing a "teenager like me" was on their side...

Well Grapevine Laundry isn't doing so well, so she thinks I'm repelling customers instead (Though I've worked there for 9 months and somehow I'm just repelling them now?) So I am suspended until they see the numbers either rise or fall. If more people start comming now, then I'm fired. If they number of customers fall, then I'm hired again...

Well screw that! I'm not something you can just put on hold until you're needed. I also can't tell the bills to be put on hold, so I'm not sticking around the house waiting to hear from a low-paying job. I've already got a few jobs I'm looking into.

So yeah... Anti-GrapeVine now.

Psychobabble

Another song from the awesome artist "Frou Frou" even though it's mostly talking than singing.

I'm glad Jade is ok (as you can read by my last blog under the comments). Anyways, I thought I'd also take the liberty of expressing an issue Jade doesn't like...

It's no secret that I'm insecure. 17 failed relationships will do that to anyone lol. Especially one being a... Well you all are aware of my Ashy Hell. (Yes Jade, you may be annoyed by that phrase, and I am glad she's turning her life around and being good now, but even she admits to her many flaws and times she's hurt me.) For those that are close to me, I'm always worried about what they think of me, and fear that I may make some sort of mistake and ruin their friendship some how..

But that isn't the biggest issue... As you can read from my earlier blog post "Personality Test", I am a Romantic and I live for love. They become my everything, which borders Obsession... Or at the very least, is a healthy obsession. We aren't talking about stalking or anything, but I'd be mroe than happy to just the rest of my life with the one I love, not going out but even staying in and cuddling. I seem to put the one I love on a pedestal... Which comes to the issue.. I don't seem to value my own life. I'd take a bullet for any of my close friends without so much as thinking about it. Until I find the one I love, then of course her happiness and safety comes above theirs.. Sorry. =/

Anyways, I don't see my life as that valuable. I'm not that special, unique, talented, ect... I have Romantics but that's about it, and look where it's got me? Nowhere. However, I do have an ego (As do all guys, just varies on how much a part of them it is. To some it's everything, and to others they could care less about it.) and I also have my buttons. Anyone who insults my Romantics or reason for living (Love) gets me extremely defensive. So.. I must value my own self to some extent.. Right? Or is that just a simple human reaction and nothing more? I'm not depressed.. I'm not unhappy with myself. I've just accepted being normal in the eyes of the media and the public. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

Of course, it very well be that I need help figuring out everything that is "me", lol. I'm decent at analyzing but when it comes to me, I can guess a million paths/choices/options/reasons... But that doesn't get me anywhere. -.- I guess that's what you learn when you go to school and get the actual degree to be a Therapist. All I can do is say what "can" be wrong, while they can narrow it down and figure out what "is" wrong.

Anyways... Yeah, the title of this blog post is Psychobabble, because that's basically what it is. Some of my weakness's along with a request for help... No ryhme or reason to this blog post really, other than to thank Jade for responding to my last blog post about her. And I'd like to clarify that I wasn't going to post anything until she made a comment on my last blog post. That is simply because, I care what she has to say, and I wanted her to read what I had to say.

Thank you for everyone who has read this, I know it's boring and I'm sorry. From now on I'll try to make things more interesting... I know I still have to post some of my poems, as well as make a post to explain the meaning behind the name of my blog...

~Timothy Bryan Jude~ AKA ~Orothe Animite Naroom~

Maddening Shroud

The title is a song from my favorite artist, Frou Frou. I couldn't quite think of a proper title for the things I wanted to say, but this pretty much sums it up.

First off, I'd like to note that my old gamer friend, Tara AKA Sapphire, has come into contact with me and we're going to attempt to be friends, again. We've had many attempts but, well something about us seems to clash, causing a fight.. Then we say things we don't necessarily mean, our friendship gets ruined for a length of time, before one of us makes the move to approach the other, we both appologize, and move on... I don't like the pattern because it means there's going to be another fight further down the line but I hope this is the final time we patch things up and we stay friends. She's improving her life as I am attempting to improve mine. Jade and Chloe have been a huge help.. Sofi is also being helpful. More-so each day.

That brings me to the next point... I'm not sure if she'd want me to mention her name, but, as I'm sure she'll read this eventually because I refuse to post until she comments this blog-post, I feel as though I must say her name in order to make a, sort of dedication to her.. Jade..

First off, that's a pretty name, isn't it? I've known an Amber, a couple Crystal's, Tara's username was Sapphire.. I like when people have names of beautiful things, because it adds to their own beauty. Second, she's not only amazingly beautiful (as it seems my newer friends are, as well as Tara.. How can a guy so unlucky as me, be friends with so many beautiful girls? o.0) but she is also smart. Maybe not so much book smart, but psychologically, she understands her own actions and emotions more-so than many others do. While others may be confused on why they feel this way or act that way, she knows what she's doing and why. That's like, stepping back and watching/analyzing yourself, which takes guts. *Smirks* Her convo's are memorable. Spoken with depth and not just shallow randomness just to kill time.

But as of late, something odd has been occuring... Not only has midnight chats come to a screeching hault, but something is definately off... It's like... Well, let me put it this way. It's like watching someone you care alot about, defend themselves against unspeakable odds... Watching them take hit after hit... And as much as you want to help... You can't.. I want to help her but I don't know how. She deserves to be happy and lately she's been every other emotion BUT happy.

If anyone else is in a similar situation, is there any way to reach them and help them? I guess all I can do for now is, sit on the side-line's and wait for her to tell me what I can do.. I really do generally care about her as a friend and I don't like seeing her in any pain of any kind.. And no that's not in a selfish way, I don't want to help her just to ease my own worry, please do NOT get that impression.. I'd take any pain of hers and bear it myself if it was possible...

Ok, now I have no idea what other things I wanted to say. I just wish Jade would feel better and I felt like making a post to anounce it. That she means THAT much to me, as a friend, that I want everyone to know... And like I said earlier, I won't make another blog post until she responds to this post, even if it's with "...".

Personality Test... Hit a Bullseye?

Attempting to NOT be anti-social (Or really trying to grab onto some sorta ledge as I plummet into the darkness) I have joined "FastCupid" which is, not only a dating service, but you can also just look for friends. Their profiles are definately more in-depth than BuddyStumbler.

Anyways, part of setting up my full profile, there's a personality test.. It hit me on the dot! o.0

Orothe has an Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judger (INFJ) personality commonly referred to as "The Mystic Writer".

INFJ when in love

When it comes to affairs of the heart, you prefer to express yourself with your pen: poetry, journal writing, and tender notes left on the bathroom mirror are your favorite methods of communicating your love and devotion. As a Mystic Writer (only about 2 percent of the population), you tend to devote most of your time and energy to your mate. In fact, you can be quite content having your partner as your sole source of quality companionship - as your best and only friend. Unfortunately, this near-obsession with one individual as your sole source of emotional support could cause you grief. You may decide to avoid your loved ones and spend all your time with your partner, only to find out later, perhaps much later, that he or she is absolutely wrong for you. In the mean time, you prolong a bad relationship by deluding yourself - with your highly developed sense of imagination - into believing he or she is the right one.

INFJ where to meet

Where can you meet a Mystic Writer? Mystic Writers are the most reclusive of the Meaning Seeker LoveTypes. You may have a hard time unearthing them because they often enjoy kicking back at home: reading, writing, thinking, praying, meditating, or listening to music. Excellent places to meet Mystic Writers include churches, synagogues, or other religious institutions. Although any of the LoveTypes may be involved in religious or spiritual activities, Mystic Writers are especially known for their spiritual (although not necessarily religious in the traditional sense) nature.

Anybody agree that it is me, disagree, or have any comments on it at all? Though, of course, none are expected. (A few of my posts have no comments, but you don't see me complaining... I just like to get out what's bothering me or what's on my mind.)

Creeping Shadow

Things were going good for a little while... Seems as though I'm being pushed into being anti-social again, so I'm doing everything I can NOT to let that happen again. I have joined Chatango, I'm watching BuddyStumbler more-often, and reaching out to talk to people in games more.

I don't know... I mean, I had my light but it seems to have grown faint... To the point, I honestly don't know where my light has gone for a few days... Jade, my awesome midnight chat-buddy, has also not been on for days... And just yesterday I crossed a boundry while talking with a friend... I still can never see that comfortable line of theirs until I cross over it. -.- Old friends are slowly disappearing, new friends are disappearing at a faster rate... Is it something I'm doing? If so, why hasn't anybody said something? Or is the friendship just that fragile? Or maybe Fate's slowly making it's final moves... After throwing all of it's pawns at me, now it's bringing out the heavy artillary... Wow, a chess metaphor. I don't even know how to fully play chess, lol.

My heart aches... I won't give up, of course, but... At this point, I don't even know what I'm fighting for exactly, or where I'm headed... Heh... Just my luck, I suppose...

Weee! A Wii!!!

Ok I'm lieing, sorta. I DID just get a Wii but I'm not all that excited lol. Wii sports is semi-fun, for about the first 10 minutes. Then I got this Overkill zombie game of some sort. They definately aim for the lame, bad-writting humor. They fail, but they're still semi-amusing. Of course like every other zombie game, it's too dark, but at least the crosshairs turn red when it's on a Zombie, so that helps. Levels are really long and, if you die, you can sacrafice half your points to continue. That ensures you can beat the game, however you need points to upgrade your guns or just plain purchase new ones.

Tomorrow I'll get a 2nd controller and a couple new games. Probably Super Smash Bros Melee (Which I loved the first one, though I've played a demo at best-buy and know that it doesnt' really require much shaking movement of controllers to play.) Or this weird sword game. You'd think there'd be more sword games. o.0 Anyways, any suggestions for games would be greatly appreciated. I can't promote the Wii, or go against it yet, but I can tell you putting it together is a pain in the butt. There is the usual connecting it to the TV via the Yellow, Red, and White cords, and the usual power cord. But there's also a Motion Censor bar, Motion Censor Stand, Wii Stand, You must Sync remotes to the Wii, You must put the batteries in Wii controler which requires you to take out the gel cover, then they tell you that you should put it back on... *sighs* Yeah, pain in the butt...

Confused...

Have you ever felt like the entire time you've been working on something, you've been doing it wrong? Have you ever felt like the path you were taking in life, just ended up being a circle? I feel as though I've been putting together a puzzle, and I started making real progress, then noticed the 1 puzzle I thought I was working on, was really a few puzzles mixed together. -.-

Being so close to my light.. I thought I had finally found the one.. She really is my dream girl in every way.. Except for the rejection, of course... I didn't dream of that happening, but that does seem like Fate.. Finally give me something so amazing, giving me such hope, such a window of opportunity, then to have it shut in my face..

They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to have ever loved at all... I would like to have met this person and asked what they thought love felt like. I honestly don't believe they loved anyone and made that phrase out of ignorance. Which brings another saying, Ignorance is Bliss... What you don't know, can't hurt you. That's mostly true, but doesn't that kind of go with, if you have no expectations, you cannot be disappointed. I think all things worth while have some sort of risk involved.

I'm not sure what to do though. Fate seems to constantly toy with me at literally every turn. The only time I get a break is just while Fate sets up the next big thing. I don't know if I can handle too much bigger than being rejected by my light. And my headaches seem to be getting a tad worse. =.= I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore, or where I'm going.. On my path, I'm just leaning against a tree and staring at the ground. Sounds like I'm depressed, which may be true, but I'm mostly just tired... Tired of trying to only gain disapointment in the end. Besides, the way Fate's going, it'd eventually show me my special someone.. But they would tell me that they were fate themselves or something.. That kinda irony I can totally see happening.. *sighs*

Has anybody else felt this lost? Felt like giving up? If so.. Have you? Or have you found something to renew your drive?

50 Random Things (It's Jade's Fault)

Yeah, that's right Jade, it's all your fault I'm doing this. I liked reading yours so much I couldn't help but attempt to make one myself. ^.^ lol.. Here's my lame attempt at it. -.- (Unlike Jade, I'm gonna number them, because if I don't, I'm not gonna know if I hit 50 or go over it.)

50 Random things about me that you may or may not know!
-------------------------------------------------------------
1. I'm obsessed with Frou Frou/Imogen Heap, yet oddly I don't love her eyes. =/

2. I'm an Eye person. True Beauty lies within one's Eye.

3. I love working but hate doing someone else's work.

4. I love girly movies. Just watched "The Perfect Man" earlier. (Yeah, with Hillary Duff)

5. I think Hillary Duff is extremely attractive.

6. I've got almost 10GB of porn. -.-'

7. I hate male AND teenage hormones!

8. Just switched browsers from Flashpeak Slimbrowser to Mozilla Firefox.

9. I hate how Firefox has no "Favorites" list AND how the Bookmarks is semi-complicated.

10. The main character in the new Hulk movie, as well as the main character in "The Illusionist" is the only guy I'd go gay for... I love his voice.. >.>

11. I've illegally downloaded over $600 worth of Torrents. (Blog's are for fun, and there's no way to tell if this is really me or an imposter, thus this blog is not legally binding.. HA, got myself outa that one.)

12. I love youtube. From Action AMV's to Bottle Rockets hitting Crotches. XD

13. Oddly enough my computer just froze for 5 seconds. No mouse movement, no music playing, ect.

14. I'm a Hardcore Gamer, but an expert/oddball at RPG's.. Yes, that pretty much means I'm an expert at clicking buttons and using up ALOT of time.. Oddball means, I try to be different. Everyone's taming Dragons? Well I'm gonna go train a bunny and I'll meet you in the arena. =P

15. My trained Bunny actually did beat a small dragon. XD

16. I LOVE Cheesecake.

17. I can't swim very well, and usually avoid doing so.

18. I hate sunlight. It gives a chance of cancer, burns your skin, slowly cooks the planet, ect..

19. I LOVE the moon and night-time during the spring/summer/early fall. I love the breeze, the warm night air, ect.

20. I'm a sucker for anything Romantic.

21. I'm a good listener, even to strangers. Somehow random stories that don't affect me in any way, interest me.

22. I ask way too personal of questions.. I know this, but curiosity gets the best of me.

23. I wear a chain with 17 rings on it, symbolising the weight of 17 failed relationships.

24. My fav color is Black, but my 2nd fav is actually a dark pink. >.>

25. I dont' care for dogs or cats, I just love MY puppy.

26. I don't value my own life. Not afraid of death because I just don't care.

27. I honestly don't think I'll ever get more than a few friend views from this blog, and I even think they'll lose interest pretty fast.

28. I press buttons when I see them... Good thing I don't work any place too important. >.>

29. I'll work at beating a game, even if it's boring the hell outa me. Some impulse that I must beat a game I started.

30. I hate games that end too fast. I finish it and ask myself, "Ok, now what? Is it over? That's lame." (Hence why I play RPG's.. They last longer. ^.^ Sometimes too long. >.>)

31. Can't believe it's only #31.

32. I've had about a week-long obsession a few years ago about both Hentai AND Beastiality... Yeah I know, flame me over e-mail and not here. >.> Don't ask me why, I haven't looked at them since, I just found it incredibly arousing at the time. XD

33. I like porn stories more than porn movies. (Isn't that kinda girly or something?)

34. I actually liked Britney Spears and Back Street Boys at one point. Yes I feel ashamed kinda. Who didn't get sucked in? XD

35. LOVES Iced Coffee WAY more than hot coffee, regardless of cream/sugar/creamer.

36. I've taken out a fresh oil stain from a white tablecloth. (Secret is Paint Thinner, and about 20 wash's with fabric softener to get the smell out.)

37. Has thought about each one of his friends "What would it be like if we were going out?" (Except guy friends, but I have few of those regardless.)

38. I know this sounds evil but I don't love my family like others say they do. I don't get the concept of it. I care about my mom and dont' want her hurt.. My dad can go to hell. My sisters dig their own graves with trouble they get into on purpose.. But I can't sit here and say "I love them" because it feels empty.

39. I don't think I'll ever find that special someone, but I have to keep trying regardless.

40. I love old/wise quotes.

41. I love martial arts movies. (Not old ones, where the acting and fighting looks bad.)

42. I have horrible hand-writing.

43. I type very fast.

44. I don't actually read. I skim over the words and the brain comprehends what words are being put into what context to find out the meaning/point of the words/sentence. Thus being able to "understand" a page of a book faster than actually reading it word-by-word.

45. I have headaches 24/7.

46. I hate sleeping/resting. I feel like I'm wasting valuable time.

47. I have a very strong immune system. My entire family was sick, and I even finished off my mom's milkshake from Mc D's and I didn't get sick. (No funny jokes about mom's milkshake..)

48. I think "your mom" jokes are lame, and also came from the very first mother insult, which was "Son of a Bitch" thus the phrase only worked on males, and insulted their mom's so the male would take offense and want to defend her.

49. I have no idea why people smoke, drink, or do drugs. Wasting money to slowly kill yourself or not remember a part of your life is like paying to sleep, minus the getting rest, and/or paying to get sick.

50. I hate not wearing a sweatshirt. Summer, Winter, Fall, Summer. Blizzard, Heat-wave, if I'm out of the house, I'm wearing a sweat-shirt. Usually a black one. ^.^

Wow, I did it, yay! ^.^ It's all your fault, Jade. =P I was thinking about doing random 100 to top ya, but I guess if anyone wants to know me more, then they can contact me. XD